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Today's Top Quotes #1
"Techno-Slacking is the new porn! It is surely everyone's constitutional right to look at football web sites when they’re at work…"
J.P.LeBoeuf [ webFanatic ]
Today's Top Quotes #2
"Conspiracy theorists will always continue to pedal their wares while foolish minds wander"
Andre [ MineAllMine ]
Today's Top Quotes #3
"Canadian Supreme Court drafts eighth deadly sin: Though shalt not poke fun at those funny French people"
MikeOK [ weloveTomGreen ]
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Today's Top Stories
Government think tank looks "Back to the Future" in bid to cut street crime
In a bid to combat the rising menace of street crime the government think tank N.I.C.C.A. (National Initiative to Combat Criminal Activities) is currently looking at how technology, and in particular old technology, can be used in the fight against crime. Having identified mobile phone thefts as the major cause of street crime the committee has commissioned a series of trials to prove if the appeal of mobile phones can be diminished by supplying people with older 'brick-style' portable telephones that were briefly popularised by members of the red braces/filofax 'yuppie' community in the 1980s.
In a series of controlled tests 100 subjects were asked to carry a briefcase-style unit for one month that contained a handset and battery pack with a "highly practical" total weight of 10kgs. Of the 100 subjects only two units were reported stolen, both of which were later found discarded. Lead chair of the committee Nigel Whitsworth declared that these early trials had been "very encouraging" and also commented that as the units were "considerably more robust" than modern equivalents that "the disaffected youth of today would aspire to such well-built personal telephonic devices".
Pensioner declares Internet "a load of old rubbish"
In a shock announcement Mr Fred Gribley, 84, of Stockport has declared the Internet to be "a load of old rubbish", also adding that it was "near impossible" to find any pictures or information about top light entertainment performer and former 'Bullseye' host Jim Bowen.
Interviewed earlier today at his home, Mr Gribley asked our correspondent to watch as he accessed the Google™ search engine and entered a random search subject as an example, coincidentally enough using the key words 'jim bowen' and 'bullseye'. Of the approximately 5 billion pages currently available on the Internet Google™ returned from these a total of 761 results, while a similar search on the Google™ Images search service returned "a pitiful" 13 results, the majority of which were, in Mr Gribley's opinion, nothing more than "second-rate TV grabs". Mr Gribley added that he would be closing his Internet account at the first available opportunity and concluded that he could have spent his time more constructively "down the pub."
DISCLAIMER: Stories featured on this page are for entertainment purposes only and any similarity or likeness to any person(s) or event(s) is purely coincidental. Perhaps.
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